Lately, there has been a lot of talk about self love and self care. To me, self love is not about taking a bath or going to the spa to get my nails done. Those things are great and I do them, often. Yet, that is not self love. In fact, you could self loathe while taking a bath or getting your nails done. The whole time you’re out getting a massage you could be thinking about all the things you aren’t doing well, comparing yourself to another, thinking about all the negative things of your week or stress about what’s ahead! What is the good of self care when you’re sitting in the toxic energy of your own negative thoughts?
Today, I want to take you on a journey. I want to take you on a path where no-one else is around. Where you are alone... with you. Do you have the courage to be alone with you? No, I mean REALLY with you? Without the thoughts, without the distractions. Without any music, or any other person. Just. you.
The greatest journey you will ever take is not the journey around the world, it is right there with you. How do you feel when you are alone? Who are you when no one is watching, when no one is honouring you, when no one is loving you? Are you love? Are you honour? Who are you without your job, without your status, without your talent, without your looks, without your name.
Let me put it another way: What if the world rejects you? Who are you then? Are you rejected? Are you abandoned? My answer to this question is an emphatic “absolutely not”. But how is that possible?
The beginning of Michael Singer’s book, “Untethered Soul” discusses who we are not. We are definitely not our thoughts. Yet, we follow around these very thoughts as though they are the main hub, the main control center of who we are. We follow them in our past, in our future, and in our present, yet never in the here, with us, with unabandoned Raw Self Love. But our thoughts are no more us than our hand is us! We don’t say, "I am body". We say this is "my body". It’s the same with your thoughts. He goes on to discuss who we really are and how we can take a step back in observation of this “self”. Are you brave enough to ask the questions necessary to be in Raw Self Love?
One of the observations I had lately was who I am when I am “out there”. Who am I when I am talking with someone across from me? How do I feel? Am I 100% “with” their words, their feelings, their heart? If we are to be honest with ourselves, none of us truly are. Not always. Usually, we are doing 1 of 5 things:
1. Thinking about what to say next
2. Seeing ourselves in their story
3. Thinking about how to fix them
4. Judging them.
5. Judging ourselves and how we compare.
It’s #5 that had me fall to my ethereal knees and realize just how much I not only judge myself while people are talking, but how much I am trying to protect myself from their abandonment.
Here’s a recent conversation I had with a goddess Yogi woman, who is a teacher of teachers. We had just met and were taking a water taxi across a beautiful volcanic lake from one village to another. Immediately she caught my eye and I made a fleeting comment about how rocky the lake was that day. What happened next opened up a whole new world to my Raw Self that I didn’t even know existed. Get this: during our conversation, I noticed she looked away at one point while I was talking… BOOM, I felt abandoned!? Later when I met another beautiful angel, they interrupt me to go to the bathroom during what I thought was an interesting part of our conversation …did they just use a break to the bathroom to avoid me? Did I talk too much? Maybe I didn’t ask about THEM enough. Do they even want to talk to me anymore? BOOM! ...abandonment. Is someone not calling me back? Is there silence in the conversation? Are they talking to that person more than me? BOOM! Abandonment.
What an awakening!!!
So, let me ask you this: Are you brave enough to ask the questions. Do you have the courage to sit with you?
Here are some questions you could ask yourself to get to the Raw Truth of who you are:
1. Are you insecure?
2. Do you fear rejection?
3. Do you fear abandonment?
4. Do you find yourself Depressed, Angry, Anxious more often than you’d like?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, first you need to know that it is not your fault. You are the sum of all the love, all the pain, all the guidance, all the abuse, all the anger, and all the hurt in your life. It is not the “you" today who feels these things. It is the sum of all those little girls inside of you who have ever felt these emotions. It is all of those versions of you combined who rises within you when you feel these things today. It is all of those facets of you who are trying to protect you when you sometimes don’t even realize why you feel angry, hurt, rejected, or abandoned.
So, now that you know this, what can you do about it? Here are 5 things you can do today to sit with her and heal him/her today. You will feel SO much lighter when you do!
1. Go back to the FIRST TIME you remember ever being insecure, rejected, abandoned, hurt.
2. Go to that little boy/girl and tell her how amazing they are. They needs to hear it from you. Ask them what they need to hear.
3. Stop judging that little boy/girl. Tell them it wasn’t their fault because it never was. Not in the womb when he/she wasn’t wanted, not at 7 when his/her behavior was so “bad” it “caused” their parents to abuse them, and not as a teenager when that boy/girl made some terrible choices. Who taught that young boy/girl that those behaviours were okay in the first place? They need to know that under different circumstances, they would have chosen different. They need to hear that it wasn't their fault.
4. Tell him/her that they are perfect. Their strength is perfect. Their mess is perfect. They were designed exactly for that beautiful mess they had had to learn and grow through. Whether they learn fast or slow, their mess was perfect for them.
5. Today, your job is to end the abandonment of self. Every time you judge your body, every time you wish you were in someone else’s shoes for WHATEVER reason, you reject you and all those little boys/girls who grew up to be you every single time. Your job today is Raw Self Love. Are you brave enough?
Raw Self Love embraces the total person we are today.
Raw Self Love embraces, understands, and unconditionally accepts and loves the little ones of our past
Raw Self love is free of comparison
Raw Self Love is perfectly imperfect.
Raw Self love is a journey
Raw Self love is for you.
Will you show yourself some RAW Self Love today?
Here is a meditation you can listen to while you sleep. You are beautiful.